An Invitation

Bless the Lent we Actually Have
by Kate Bowler

Sometimes we wait. Spiritually, I mean. We just wait. And wait. Maybe something will happen?

In the meantime, our days are complicated by feelings that don’t seem altogether very spiritual. Deep annoyance. Rehearsals of old fights. Anger at friends who are, in our defense, pretty frustrating sometimes. Our bodies ache. We are consumed by somebody else’s problems, and we are fairly certain their lives are rushing toward despair.

So we wait. At least I do. I assume that in some future day I will feel the truth of my spiritual belief that God is with us. That God never leaves. That God’s presence is best (and I can’t prove that this is theologically true) on bad days. When life is headed downhill, I tend to wait.

When Lent rolls around every year, we are offered a chance to stop waiting. We are in the part of the story when Jesus is an arrow pointed straight at his own end. He will die. But first he will suffer and be betrayed; religious and political structures will conspire and conform to great evil; nothing will be peace on earth or goodwill to all humankind. No wise men and starry nights. It’s misery. And it should make us pause. That is where we meet Jesus. We meet him on his way down.

Lent is our annual rehearsal of the cosmic moment when Jesus’ suffering and death and resurrection will change how we experience death. Death will not be the defining truth about us. Someday we will be freed from the gorgeous and horrible limitations of our human lives, and we will live forever with God (which is VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO IMAGINE. But it’s the truth.). But first Jesus suffers and dies. We walk with him. And he walks with us.

Jesus will walk with us through whatever kind of Lenten day you are having. The lovely one. The garbage one. The one that barely seems like it counted at all. As we toggle through every kind of emotion—boredom, devastation, happiness, irritation—we want to say: bless this Lent.

This little guide is your invitation to bless whatever this season is actually bringing you. So let’s stop waiting. This is the one we have. Let’s bless it all.

Lent Day 1 - Wednesday, February 22

For Ash Wednesday

Matthew 11:25-29

Ask

Check in today. Are you feeling more durable or more fragile? What do you need to be reminded of in your durability? In your fragility?

Listen

The Rev. Liz Tichenor spoke to Kate about her profound Ash Wednesday experience when she was reminded of the power of community in times of great grief.

Listen Here

Pray

God, on my best days when I feel capable and unwavering, remind me of my dependence on you. And on the days when I feel inside out with inadequacies and anxieties, remind me of your enoughness for today. Though my days and moods and fears and circumstances seem always in flux, you remain. Amen.

Lent Day 2 - Thursday, February 23

For This Beautiful, Limited Day

Matthew 11:25-29

Ask

In all our to-do lists and adulting, inboxes and carpool lanes, we can lose sight of what really matters. Reflect on the question that today’s blessing wonders: “Am I counting items instead of knowing what counts?” Do you find yourself more concerned with counting items or knowing what counts?

Do

Think of a practice that brings you rest like Jesus describes in Matthew 11:25-29. Yoga or pickle ball. Make-believe game with a kid in your life. Writing snail mail to a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Dancing to your favorite song. Hitting snooze for five extra minutes. Try one today as a reminder that the value of a day is more than the sum of your productivity.

Pray

God, today feels like a great undoing. There is too much to do and not enough of me to go around. For my overwhelm, give me peace. For my exhaustion, find me rest. For my resentment, love. And for my frustration at the never-enoughness, pull me in. Amen.

Lent Day 3 - Friday, February 24

For Learning to Delight Again

Psalm 36:5-9

Ask

Take inventory. How easy does experiencing joy feel today? Possible? Impossible? What simple pleasures might you sip from, as a refuge in the shadow of God’s wings?

Reflect

Read Mary Oliver’s poem, “The Summer Day” and reflect on her question: “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” What do you think Mary Oliver would suggest doing?

Pray

God, let the smallness of this place become a refuge for me, a resting place under the shadow of your wings, so that just for a moment I might awaken to delight once again. Lord, thank you, that even the tiniest of pleasures tell me a gorgeous story about you, and about your love. Amen.

Lent Day 4 - Saturday, February 25

For When You Need to Hold On or Let Go

Psalm 63:1-8

Ask

What is the good that you hunger for today? What is the thing you know you want to release?

Listen

Learning to “let go” sounds wonderful if what you’re carrying is a heavy addiction, unforgiveness, or failure. But what if we’re holding on to so much that we can’t live without—a sick kid, an aging parent, or our own fragile hearts? Listen to Father Richard Rohr explain the strange math of knowing when to hold on and when to let go.

Listen Here

Pray

God, help me pry my fingers off, one by one, and let go of what I know does not actually help or satisfy. Awaken my desire to the place where You will meet me, Oh Lord, in Your beauty and goodness. And help me return again and again to this ebb and flow that is life-giving. Amen.

Lent Day 5 - Monday, February 27

For an Unfinishable Day

1 John 3:1-3

Ask

“In this culture of more, more, more, make me less,” today’s blessing prays. Fill in the blank with your own answers to how you want to move against our culture’s exhausting pressures to be MORE:

  • In this culture of perfection, make me _______________________.

  • In this culture of effortless success, make me _______________________.

  • In this culture of judgment, make me _______________________.

  • In this culture of _______________________, make me _______________________.

Watch

Years ago, Kate took a day trip with her dad to see one of the crown jewels of Portuguese Catholic architecture, the towering Batalha Monastery. But the most striking part was a cathedral that was missing its roof. It was ornately decorated yet unfinished. And isn’t that the story of us all? Beautiful, striving, and never, ever done. Reflect on the ways that this unfinished cathedral shows us something about our imperfections.

Watch Here

Pray

God, I am grateful that when you look upon me, you see your very own creation, being made new in Christ. I love your eyes, God, seeing me this way. A work of your love. Amen.

Lent Day 6 - Tuesday, February 28

For Beginnings and Endings

Isaiah 43:16-21

Ask

What changes (big or small) are you experiencing right now? What does this change feel like in your body (e.g. sweaty, butterflies, bubbly)?

Do

Make your own ritual to say goodbye to what you’re leaving behind. Throw a party or ceremony to honor for what was (e.g. the end of a relationship, retirement, a changed body). Light a candle, buy a flower and choose the color to represent what you are leaving behind, and throw it in the river. Say a prayer of thanks for the freedom that this change represents. And then open your heart for what is to come next.

Pray

Read today’s blessing again (page 182 of The Lives We Actually Have), changing the word “we” to “I,” making it personal and specific to your situation. Spend some time asking God for the kind of courage or strength you need in this time of change. Conclude with a prayer of gratitude for what has led you here, and for what you are leaving behind.

Lent Day 7 - Wednesday, March 1

For The Courage to Do Something Difficult

John 16:33

Ask

Take a step back from the difficult thing you know needs to be done, as if observing it from a distance. Ask, what do I know that is true about it? What do I have already to meet the need? What is the next first step to get it done? What’s stopping you from taking it?

Do

Give yourself a calendar for your hard thing. Perhaps today, you will acknowledge how hard it is for you. Tomorrow, you want to shove it in a drawer and forget about it. But the next day, you’ll take the next right step.

Pray

God, I want to be the kind of person that doesn’t put off the hard thing. Give me courage, today, right now, to do what needs to be done or say what needs to be said. Infuse me with wisdom and grant me your peace that transcends understanding even (and especially) when I’m afraid. Amen.

Lent Day 8 - Thursday, March 2

For When We Want More

Psalm 32

Ask

The psalmist talks about how hiding our human-ness from God compounds it, but when we tell God the truth about our condition, God becomes the place of safety we had longed for. Secretly, honestly, and perhaps under a blanket, offer to God the “God-sized project” of being fully known and loved in all our imperfections.

Do

Draw a self-portrait (it doesn’t have to be good!). On the page, write down the things that make you, you. Maybe your kindness or stubbornness (for better or worse) or the way your nose crinkles when you smile. Take time to notice the humanity in your gifts and imperfections (that are sometimes gifts if we look close enough!).

Pray

Pray today’s blessing again (from page 184 of The Lives We Actually Have), and add a secret prayer of response to God that is yours alone.

Lent Day 9 - Friday, March 3

For The Life You Didn’t Choose

Psalm 46

Ask

In the aftershock of sudden grief, in the tender place of wonder and dread, what part of Psalm 46 feels true for you?

Listen

Maintaining hope in the midst of the lives we didn’t choose can sometimes feel impossible. Sometimes it can help to look toward people who really get it—like Jay and Katherine Wolf. Listen to this tender conversation which offers a wide view of their story of hard-won hope.

Listen Here

Pray

God, as I invite my soul to stillness, help me be aware that you are already present to me, and that you are here right now. Bless the stillness and the wordless wisdom that comes forward to my mind. Give me loving actions to do, that I might be for others in crisis, the presence that reminds them: You are held. You are safe. You are loved. You are loved. You are loved. Amen.

Lent Day 10 - Saturday, March 4

For Who You Might Become

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Ask

What period of time do you find yourself living in most—past, present,or future? What are the gifts and drawbacks of spending too much time in each? To where do you need to pull your attention today?

Reflect

Write a note of gratitude to your past self. Thank them for what they did with what they knew. (Sometimes it helps to have a picture of younger-you in front of you. Look at how cute you were!) Now, write a note to your future self. Thank them for the courage it takes to become someone new. (And tell them their hair looks great!) Whisper a word of thanks to God for who you are in this moment.

Pray

God, what if. What if I walk out on this ledge and feel only the taste of my fear? What if I discover that what I carry cannot be shouldered? What if I live too long without that feeling? That I can set this down. God, fill me with a love that staves off all the darkness. Comfort me when I can’t think another reasonable thought. And if I can’t, I mean, I just can’t feel your nearness, hear you telling me that I am loved, send your armies of do-gooders, tuck my name inside their hearts. Give me people who love to hold more than this day can manage. And if you can’t send more than one because more than one would be nice, just send the nearest person to take things out of my hands and into theirs until I know again today that I should never be expected to walk this road alone. Amen.

Lent Day 11 - Monday, March 6

For This Garbage Day

Psalm 88

Ask

What is it like to be you right now? No need to be polite. Don’t hold anything back. Now that you’ve spoken that truth, what are the tiny, tiny graces that are noticeable in the midst of the garbage parts? And if you can’t do it, thank God for honest communication.

Do

Make a list of five things you are thankful for at this moment, but practice compressing your attention. The smaller the better. (When things were very bad, I could even say things like: “I hate this less than yesterday.” Don’t worry about being honest!)

Pray

God, show me the life I actually have, the reality that is truest now—the whole of it. Let me hold the doubts and questions together with the graces that are here too. And in your kindness, help me begin to understand how to live more, with fewer explanations. Amen.

Lent Day 13 - Wednesday, March 8

For When You Can’t Love Yourself

John 10:10-11

Ask

What would “life in all its fullness” look like for you?

Listen

What do you do with a world that is full of things to fear, people we won’t please, kids who die, and parents who don’t change? Writer Anne Lamott doesn’t sugar-coat a single terrible thing, but knows that we also need the kinds of truths we can stand on—like that we, warts and all, are loved and chosen by God.

Listen Here

Pray

God, who do I need to become, now that this is the world we have and this is the people we are—holy, imperfect, sloppy, joyful, angry, irritated, tired, or maybe just hungry, loved and chosen. So let’s start there. Let’s be people together with all of our frayed edges, with the things we admit only to our best friends, with the people who are hard to love, impossible to forgive—beginning with ourselves. Amen.

Lent Day 14 - Thursday, March 9

For When You’re Feeling Grouchy

Isaiah 43:1-7

Ask

Redeemed. It’s a word we use today only transactionally, like when we have a voucher we redeem for a discount. In Isaiah 43, the meaning is love in action. It is what God did through Jesus, whose dying became our living. Re-read this passage, inserting your name: “I have redeemed you, ____________. I have called you by name, ____________. You, ____________, are mine.” Bring all your frustrations out into the light of this unconditional love for you.

Reflect

Listen to Mary Gauthier’s song, “Mercy Now.” Where could you use a little mercy today? Where could you offer it to others?

Listen Here

Pray

God, let me crawl up into your lap, and rest my head on your chest and hear you say to me again, “You are loved. You are safe. You are chosen.” Let me stay and stay and stay, knowing that this is that starting place. For everything. Amen.men.

Lent Day 15 - Friday, March 10

For When You’re Not Getting Any Better

Psalm 131

Ask

Where is contentment possible within the small space that is your life today?

Reflect

Listen to “Poetry” by Taylor Leonhardt. Reflect on Taylor’s lyrics—that you are God’s poetry. What does it mean to you to hear that the poet God doesn’t waste a word?

Listen Here

Pray

God, I want to believe that I am as precious and thoughtful to you as poetry. But my mind is racing to keep everything held together. Calm my mind from the things of tomorrow. Settle me in today. Help me find a place of contentment and peace right here, with you. Amen.

Lent Day 16 - Saturday, March 11

For When You Feel Stuck

Revelation 22:1-5

Ask

Being stuck may feel like living in a deserted place, with no landmarks and no map. The river of the water of life and the beauty of the garden might feel unattainable. But don’t forget that it flows underground. Ask yourself, what do I already know of love, even here? How can I send down roots into the hidden places where love still lives?

Do

When we are stuck spiritually or emotionally, we could use a spiritual reset, but we often can’t engineer it for ourselves. If we could, we would! But what we can do is to use our physical bodies to playfully disrupt our habits. We can deliberately switch things up, to see how unclenching from our patterns can create new ones. For example, if you usually sit down to pray, then stand or walk or kneel or lie face down on the floor. Or get into a pool or bathtub and float through your prayers. Somehow, changing one thing can lead to the sense that other things are possible.

Pray

God, release what is stuck, and let all that I am holding flow into the vast ocean of your love. Let all that I desire flow to your heart of compassion. Let all that I long to do mingle with your power already at work in the world. Amen.

Lent Day 17 - Monday, March 13

For This Overwhelming Day

Luke 10:38-42

Ask

Do you feel pressure to do more, be more? What happens in your body, mind, or spirit when you are running low on time, energy, or resources? In what situations are you tempted to over-ride the awareness and keep pressing on, despite consequences?

Listen

We are limited beings, but often the idea of saying “no” can feel uncomfortable. Melissa Urban’s (CEO of The Whole30) experience of chronic illness forced her to accept her body’s limitations. She teaches how to set healthy boundaries as a way to protect our relationships, manage our limited capacity (especially for those of us navigating chronic pain or illness or caregiving), and remind ourselves of our inherent worth (regardless of how much you can do).

Listen Here

Pray

God, show me the contours of what is mine to hold, and mine to do. Help me with the discomfort, the push-pull of recognizing my limitations and working within them in a way that is creative and sustainable. And connect me to others so it is fruitful for all of us. Amen.

Lent Day 18 - Tuesday, March 14

For When You Can’t Catch a Break

Psalm 57

Ask

Check in with yourself. Are you at high capacity—I feel able to juggle everything on my plate—or low capacity—I don’t have the energy to do it all today? Given today’s reality, is there anything you can take yourself off the hook for, ask for help completing, or punt to another day? Or, if you are feeling high capacity, is there something you could take off someone else’s plate to help them out?

Listen

The obligations never stop, do they? How do we get off the achievement train and build a beautiful life within constraints? Writer Shauna Niequist was on the fast track to burnout when she received advice that changed the pace of her life entirely. Listen to Kate and Shauna talk about the productivity myths we believe and how to embrace a slower, smaller life marked by delight. What do you notice about the cues that made Shauna aware that burnout was at hand?

Listen Here

Pray

God, I see it, the truth that you made me in love, for love, so I’m letting you into all the places within me. The glad places, the needy places, the sad places, the overwhelmed places, and the awful places. Come there too, and rearrange any furniture you like. Clean up any messiness. I see now that I really want that, because the transformation is what will unfold more of what I am meant to be, your child—no matter how old I get—looking more like you every day. Amen.

Lent Day 19 - Wednesday, March 15

For When You Suffer Alone

Psalm 25:16-17

Ask

If loneliness or loss could be felt as a specific pain in a specific part of your body, where would you feel it? In your stomach? Your throat? Just take a few minutes to notice.

Reflect

Pray the breath prayer below for yourself, sensing the truth of your situation, and peace that comes when it is fully acknowledged and shared. Then turn your thoughts to someone else who may be feeling lonely, and pray the breath prayer for that person. Sit awhile calmly with the awareness of their situation. Perhaps something will come to mind as to how you could reach out to them.

Pray

Inhale: God, turn to me and be gracious to me,

Inhale: Relieve the troubles of my heart,

Exhale: for I am lonely and afflicted.

Exhale: and free me from my anguish.